Monday morning I was reading in Matthew 26 where Jesus is in Gethsemane and He goes to pray. He told His disciples that His soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. That is something that some of you might have had a taste of yourselves. Jesus knows that death is just hours away and He talks to His father about a possible change of plans. “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from Me.” (Mt. 26:39)  Father, this plan that was laid out before the foundation of the world in eternity past, can we change it? This plan of redemption for people that continually turn their backs on Us; this people who are bent on rebellion; these people who want their own way, can We change the plan? Jesus prayed to the point of death. He was exhausted and full of grief because of what was about to happen.

Some of you have been there. Some of you are there right now. You might have a loved one who is slowly dying and you know it. You are thankful for the moments you have together, but you are begging God for more. You are praying like you never have before with passion and intensity. Some of you might be making deals with God. Some of you have stood beside the bed of someone you dearly loved and have grieved so intensely, that you did not know if you could take any more. Saying goodbye to a parent as they lay on their death bed. Saying good bye to a spouse who was taken too soon. Holding an innocent young child in your arms as they breath their last breath. You cannot possibly go on with life like this, so you pray and beg God to do something, anything to breath life into them. You do not want to let go and your anxious heart aches. You ache all over as you beg God to make everything good.

Jesus talked to His Father about this and He repeated His desire three times. I’m sure that each time He prayed, it was with greater intensity, but then He said, all three times, “not as I will, but as You will.” (vv.39, 42, 44) Was Jesus giving up? Was He done begging? Did His Father not hear Him? Did His Father not care?
No, no, no, and no again! This was God’s plan. This was not a plan that He whipped up at this moment. This was the plan to save you and me put together by the Triune God in eternity past. You, me, and millions of other Christians were on the mind of God in this plan because He loves us. As rotten and horrible and wicked as we are, He loves us! Jesus was not turning His back on us at this moment. God could have done anything to give us eternal life, but He chose to crucify His own Son for you and for me. You want to talk about grief to the point of death? That is amazing to me! Even more amazing to me is what the Supreme Sacrifice said to His Father: “not as I will, but as You will.” 

Charles Spurgeon put it this way: “Let it be as God wills, and God will determine for the best. Be content to leave your prayer in His hands, who knows when to give, and what to withhold.” Can you do that? Can I do that? Do I know God well enough to be able to say those words? We can pray for the same thing over and over and over again, and that is okay. But are we then willing, at the end of each prayer, to say “God will determine for the best?” We might say it, because that is how we are supposed to end our prayers, but do we believe that? Really?? God said no to Jesus, His only Son who was without sin. Does He not have the right to say no to you and me? Do you agree with Spurgeon that God will determine for the best? Can anyone tell me of a time when God has not done what is best? You may not have thought so at the time. You still might not think so as you struggle with the grief and anxiety of letting go, but I can assure you that the Father knows what is best.

We have no idea of where God might be taking us and what He is wanting to teach us. We may very well have no idea of what He is doing when He allows unexplainable and indescribable grief, but I can promise you that He is up to something. Look for His hand in your everyday life and rejoice in knowing that He is with you in everything. Because when the tough stuff comes, and it will, you will be able to say like Jesus did, after begging God to remove the hurt and sour of pain, “not as I will, but as You will” and then be able to rest knowing that He has determined what is best. Easy to say, but a whole different thing to live it.
Trust Him!